"God is not that good"

28-29 March 2012 late night and morning

A very common image of God is often portrayed …He is loving, kind, compassionate, forgiving…..ya of course He is! But isn’t there something in the Bible that says how He is kind for the kind and rude for the rude, unforgiving for the unforgiving; judging for one who judges. Don’t seek him then you won’t find him, you don’t pray you won’t probably receive answers. I define good in my own selfish ways, to earn forgiveness even when I don’t forgive, to earn answers even when I don’t pray, to never be judged even when I judge. But is this at all a matter of being good or less good, or a matter of justice!

It is ugly when you can’t be anything, neither this or that, when this is what you love but that is all you get; this is what you pray, dream upon, God remain silent, and you remain a slave for that scenario. Why do people keep trying  to cover up for God and say, oh He is not silent, He is waiting for the right time, He is not mad at you,  oh he loves you dearly, oh He will bless you….. don’t try to cover up for God and make Him always at any cost good, for He is good  and sovereign at same time. God is a sovereign God!  He has the right to be whatever He is; as much as he can be pleased, He can be mad, as much as He answers prayers, He can ignore them, as much as He makes the earth and anything in it He can destroy it in a second. He is up there, seeing it all, all our mess and shit, He can and wills to do if He wants to slap away the earth. He is God, as much as he is love He can't hate….but besides this He is sovereign to be whatever He desires.

Christ paid it all, past present future sin, I wouldn’t do that if I were Christ, may be that is why I am not Christ at first place, at least I wouldn’t do that to not forgive future sins. After all the past was once the present and the future, the present was once the past and the future, the future was once the past and present (...is, was, will be, all tenses apply here). But when you are in it, it is not as simple as a sentence on the past present or future, it is the uzima you can’t bear.

One place ignorance is a bliss is here, ‘whatever you do, you know you can be forgiven’; that is not a good knowledge. It is not a good knowledge as much as ‘knowing you can’t easily be forgiven, you got to earn it!’ Both ways guilt haunts you; guilt either haunts you saying ‘you are no good, you don’t deserve forgiveness’ or it haunts you saying ‘how can you keep doing this when you are so much forgiven, when Christ is crucified for you’. Then you open up your Bible to read ‘Therefore there is no condemnation for those who are in Christ.’

Not everyone gives up so easily, as you utter the word ‘there is no condemnation…’ guilt haunts saying ‘if there is no condemnation…why are you still feeling this way, aren’t you in Christ, you can’t remain doing the same mistakes, reading the same Bible, feeling the same guilt, and be in Christ…on and on and on….after all the power of sin is not in the action but in the guilt and condemnation. Guilt is an independent entity; it is not related to doing evil, committing sin, acting bad and so on. You could feel as much guilt when you do right as much when you sin. You could feel guilt for not doing the good you do in a better way as much as for doing the bad in a worse way. The mind is your battle ground, you need to lean you neck and tap tap your ears to let guilt slide out of your mind or you can remain still acting normal till guilt blows your mind out.

I hate psychology cause it uses long term treatment to heal a person, ‘Healing is a process, it might take as much time as you were in the problem or less but it ain't a one time thing as in a snap of the fingers.’ I hate it when God also does the same (it doesn’t matter whether they play God or God plays them, for the obvious is obvious). I hate it cus a person might die through the process, doesn’t have to be physical death but is there not part of a man that has a little of his soul, flesh and spirit; that part could just die and you wouldn’t even know you are who you are, with some part of what makes you who you are, missing from the picture. I hate it, cus God is God of miracles who does things in His own way not my way. May be I am saying God aint that good not just in my own selfish terms but also stupid terms.

If a man comes to you 7x70 times a day saying forgive me, you should forgive him. Don’t you wonder Jesus might someday regret passing this advice. After all he saw what forgiving costs after a while he made this statement. He said forgive cus He paid for the offence, which includes the offender’s offense, either 1 times a day or 7x 70 times a day.

The balanced image of God should always be portrayed; why should a young girl be surprised when her loving daddy suddenly slaps her for the mistakes she made. Oh I forget these days we call that child abuse, a lot of words are there, child abuse, domestic abuse and we fail to think at the back of our minds that if He slaps us on the face, it would be as if we were abused by God.  Is He not good? Of course He is. He won’t physically slap you but isn’t there what's called psychological abuse, neglect minamin….. just like that. Do you think He could ignore the hell out of you if you don’t repent and return!--- actually  not, He remains at the door of your heart knocking and knocking gently till you let Him in. If you don’t hear that anymore, don’t bother, you might have confused it with your heart beat, cus that is how constantly He has been knocking.

You can't explain many things in life and one should not try to explain God. Yeah, preach it according to the word as the Holy Spirit reveals it, write it if it is a thought that crosses your mind, but don’t explain Him; because those who really know God they can’t explain him.