When it happens to your loved one

In the past month I saw posters, banners and stickers posted on sideways and public transportation for a week dedicated to ‘Stop Car Accidents’. These images depict horrific images of car accidents, with their dominant color, red! If car accident hadn't happen to my loved one, these posters and billboards  might have no value to me. I wrote this article four years back, short after I lost a dear friend in a car accident. It is hard for me to go back to this story and I know it could recall painful memories for our friends. I share it only because I don’t want to lose anyone else I love through car accident, I share it because I don’t want anyone else to die in car accident because they are someone else’s loved one. Most of all I share it in memory of all lives short cut, dreams shattered young due to car accidents.

When it happens to your loved one

Ethiopia ranks first in African car accident fatalities

This is a story of a young woman with innocent eyes like a baby and a perfect curvy smile that reflects love. When her father took ill and died within 15 days, it came as a tragic shock, and she accompanied his body, with her mother and twin sisters, to their home town 565 km from Addis, where the burial was conducted. But neither she nor her sister returned.

Fasika didn’t want to stay long grieving with her family as is mostly done in Ethiopian culture. Fifteen days after her father’s death she packed her belongings together and returned to Addis, where most of her friends were and where she worked and lived.

While packing she stuck a note on her locker to remind her to take her mobile charger when she left.

Early the next morning Fasika kissed her mother goodbye with one of her sisters, and her mother murmured, “May the Holy Savior follow you,” in her sleep. Minutes later; her mother woke up not remembering her daughters’ goodbye kiss and tried to call them on their cell phones. But there was no connection. Seconds, minutes, hours gone by, a mother holding on two different cell phones. “The number you are trying to call is out of the service area,” is all she heard.

Suddenly relatives who had been walking in and out of the house came towards Fasika’s mother, telling her to tighten her back with a scarf, and to get in the car. She cried out, “What has happened to my daughters! What has happened to my daughters!” for it is only when people are about to be told of the death of their loved once, that they are asked to tighten their back. Relatives told Fasika’s mother that her daughters have been in a car accident and they must take them to hospital. But they hadn’t driven far when they saw all the city dwellers out on the streets, mourning for 14 people who lost their lives in a road accident, including two sisters who had buried their father barely 15 days before. 

At work place

December 17 at the Future Talent Academy, where usually children are romping around and playing with laughter and joy, had a different atmosphere. A dark shadow lied over the compound where students spoke of the death of their teacher to their friends, while the little ones were still playing, but sensing the atmosphere, subdued, perhaps wondering what death really meant.

There was no class instead there was going to be a memorial service for a young teacher who lost her life in a car accident. Some teachers were arranging flowers and a framed picture of her was on display. Meanwhile, the man behind the speakers of the mini media called for the students to line up quietly. Students from grade 4 to 10 line up in a row, facing the photo of their teacher, while those below grade 4 face their elders. Even the little ones didn’t need their teachers to line them up – naturally subdued, they fall into place quietly. Teachers, assistant teachers, unit leaders, janitors, stand behind the students.

“Today we are gathered here in memory of a teacher, Fasika Mitike, who lost her life in a terrible car accident with her sister. Fasika was returning back to her job and to her students after the funeral of her father, which was conducted in her home town Bahir Dar,” the man behind the speakers continued. “I now read a short life history of Fasika. Fasika was born in 1985 from her father Ato Mitike Yetaye and her mother w/t Ayale Mekonen in Bahir Dar. She attended elementary school in Catholic mission and high school in Tana Haik  high school. After she passed the national exam on high grade, she joined Hawasa University and studied Foreign Languages and Literature. After she finished her studies she joined Future Talent Academy and worked as a teacher for a year and four months. Fasika was a diligent worker and a very beloved person by her students and colleagues. This is the short story of Fasika”.

Afterwards the students run over each other to the front where her picture and the flowers were; did they hope to find her there? Or did they just want to send their last condolences? The man behind the speakers was then announcing in a louder voice, “Students please back off!”  Her colleagues, on the other hand, run to their offices, crying in high-pitched voices, realizing it is all true, Fasika is not coming back!

There was none to comfort the other!

After a while they hold on to their tears and start discussing what they could do. “Why don’t we contribute to the building of the grave? Why don’t we just contribute and send the money to her parents? ... Money, how much then?”

Trinity church

Similar discussions had gone on between her friends who gathered in the compound of Trinity church the day before. “We all heard the death of our friend today and gathered here to revere and pray for her soul.  It is a shock! It is shocking news! I just talked to her on the phone two days back, and now they told us she is dead, I don’t understand it at all. But if it is true, I want you all to say something about her, like as you all know, she was a positive thinker,” said Behailu, a friend of her since campus days. Another friend of her continued, but Etegenet was wailing, her voice was not audible, and she went back to her seat. Etana continued, “The last time we met it was at Bole road - she told me to call her but I didn’t, and now this!” He sobbed. Another friend continued,“ Fasika was the most positive person as you all know, she had the most beautiful smile, she laughed about simple things. Ya, it is true she is dead but I don’t believe she is in Bahir Dar where she was buried, but in a better place - she is in heaven. I know so for I know the passion she had for God. Fasika is in the most beautiful place where she is probably enjoying herself now and forever, but the pain remains for us.”

Another friend from her work place, Daniel, continued. Fasika was a kind of person who united people and distilled the real essence of friendship, so why don’t we keep this trait of her and have a union where we always be reminded of her?” Another friend, Halleluja, rose up. “We should now talk on what needs be done soon, and I believe that would be contributing to the building of the grave.”

They all rise up and conduct a silent prayer, lighting their candles and facing the church.

After 15 days Fasika’s friends, colleagues, the school administrative board and families of some students were able to contribute 20,000 birr.

Back then...

Fasika had a future appointment planned with her two best friends, Azeb and Daniel. The whole initiative of a long time appointment resulted from a story aired on radio about classmates who met after 20 years in the same high school they attended, Tana Haike.

 They didn’t want to make it as far as 20 years, 10 years was enough! Let’s meet after 10 years, at 12am at Mahamud music shop, Piassa. In case one of us dies, we will put flowers at the grave, they agreed.

“I never thought death would come so soon,” Daniel said.

“We used to work at the same school. I did not like her that much at first, as she was active and friendly with everyone. The first day we talked was in a taxi. She took my cell phone and took a picture of me and my friend. Afterwards we became very close; I had never been as close as I was with Fasika, with anyone else. But she died on the same day we met, just after a year. I recall that day for it was saved on my cell phone when she took that picture,” said Daniel

Fasika had a lot in common with her friend Daniel, they even used to wonder how their favorite numbers happens to be the middle number of each other’s phone number, 

091176-17-14  and Daniel’s 091131-22-68.

“These days when I look at my cell phone,either the time or the day shows the number, 22, which reminds me of her...I’m fascinated by the co-incidence of number sequences, and she knew that, and used to show me strange numbers whenever she noticed them. It still happens, noticing numbers on my phone.”

Azeb, Fasika’s best friend since high school, recalls back to the day they met in 10^th grade when they were made to sit at the same desk. Azeb had thought of Fasika as a talkative girl while Fasika had thought of Azeb as a quite unfriendly girl. But all their expectations of each other turned out to be false;  they got along very well and remained friends to the day…

Selam, Fasika’s friend since campus, met her for they were in the same dorm. A girl exchanged with Fasika for she had friends in a dorm were Fasika was. But Fasika didn’t know anyone in her new dorm, while 3 of them had known each other since high school.

 “She was the photographer of our freshman first exotic days. I have a picture of when we first let her have her picture taken with us, so that she wouldn’t feel bad,” said Selam

“We went through a lot on campus, to the point where we thought we might die. Once there was a rumor that a bomb was going to blast in our block. We were the only ones to spend the night in the block even after hearing the rumor.  We had our best outfits on in case the rumor was true. We agreed to die looking our best,” said Selam.

A lot of political, social, and economic protests take place at universities in Ethiopia, but one of the worst was the one during the 2005 election. Students were not allowed to move out of their compounds with their clothes nor anything in a bag. Fearing that the worst might happen, Fasika and Selam wore three sets of clothes on top of each other and took them off in the nearest cafeteria. But in the late evening, they were told that everything was all right and they could spend the night in their dormitories. “We then took all our clothes back in a plastic bag,” Selam said.

It is a mystery though: Fasika had once a dream while she was on campus. In her dream, she was taken by something that looked like an airplane to far places, leaving all her friends behind. “It took me very fast while you all were walking very slowly and reached to where I am afterwards,” Fasika told her friends. She then told us that her dream might mean that she is going to die sooner than any of us, but back then it was all a joke for us, we laughed at her,” Selam said.

“It is after her death that everything we talked about makes sense. I now know why she was that passionate about God, why she asked me all those questions about him, about salvation. She was finally sure that she would go to heaven through what Christ had done for her, even if she didn’t deserve it. We even talked about what kind of place she would like to have in heaven, for she believed that she would have then what she didn’t have in the world,” said one of her friends.

Childhood

Fasika was born to a family of one brother and twin sisters. She was youngest daughter. Her parents named her Fasika, which literally means resurrection, for she brought blessings into their house, including a scholarship her father got to Europe.

As a little girl, Fasika used to sneak out of home to play with other kids in her neighborhood. Everybody wanted to play with her for she was active and friendly. Fasika always took off her shoes while she played because she said they were uncomfortable. However, she never returned back home with them! Not only her shoes got lost, but also her hair bands, so she would go home with all her hair sticking straight up and dust all over her face and clothes.

Fasika used to love eating milk powder. One day, when she was about four, she pulled over the milk powder pot onto her head, where it stuck and left her neck twisted for weeks. Unlike her head,  the middle toe of her left foot was permanently bent ever since she tried to play the game Monday-Tuesday, kicking a stone the way she saw the other kids playing.

 Fasika was also a smart student in school and always ranked in the top ten in her class of about 70 students.

In her students’ words...

 Fasika was a home room teacher of fifth grade in Future Talent Academy.

“Miss Fasika is a very nice teacher. She never hit us or pinched us. She is a very nice teacher I ever met in the world. and I hope she goes to heaven. Happy heaven miss Fasika if you go to heaven. Love Fassi!” 

                                      Miliard Tezera,

Grade 5 B

  “Teacher Fasika was a very good teacher. She was very kind and love teacher. She hates to be bad on other people. She made us happy when she smiles.  Teacher Fasika plays with us and makes us laugh. Teacher Fasika loves to forgive. Other teachers love her for her behaviour.We will never forget teacher Fasika.”

Her student 5B

                                                          Class 5B

“Miss Fasika is a good and pleasant teacher and she has a good manner. She teaches the way we like, She doesn’t like a student with a bad behavior but she tries to change him by talking to his/her mom or dad.”

Abate Shiferaw

Class 5B

“Teacher Fasika was a generous and caring person. She teaches well, this means in a manner we can understand. If a student is lazy, she wouldn’t ignore him saying she is lazy, but she encourages him. She used to post beautiful and educative things in class. But she left this world through the accident she faced. I wish her parents are comforted!”

                                                        Hewan Kidane,

                                                                   class 5B

“Miss Fasika  was a very good teacher.  She was kind to others. She never punished us or threw us out of class. She kindly talked about our problem with us. She was more than a teacher, she was our friend. She was very kind. She always had a good wish for us. She is different from other teachers. Our heart is broken hearing her death. So stay besides us and comfort us.”

                                                                       Saron,  

                                                                  Class 5B

“Miss Fasika is a very beloved teacher. Every teacher and student loved Miss Fasika, so does now. She make us happy when she is happy. Her jokes are sweet and her thoughts for children are nice. Her hand writing is easily readable on the black board than all teachers. Her accent is clear than all other teachers. Miss Fasika is a teacher we all loved very much, we will never forget her.”

                                                            Eden Amare,

                                                                 Class 5B

“Miss Fasika means a thoughtful teacher. We understand easily when she teaches. She never showed us a bad face nor said a bad word to us when we disturb the class. There is always joy and a smile on her face when she saw us. Even if she is sad she didn’t want us to know she is sad, instead she only show us her smile. She changes students from bad behavior to good by love. She doesn’t believe in power else in love.”

                                                   Samrawit Ephrem,

                                                                 Class 5A

A picture while we were in campus, me, Fasik, Heni, Heli, Lily, Sat, Sari, Israel:) Love u guys:)